As we near the end of our second trimester, I find myself thinking more about family and friends than I ever have before. I recently unfriended someone on Facebook because she posted an article that suggested that God loves homosexuals – as long as they remain celibate and not pursue their “sinful lusts.” I chose to unfriend her because it felt like she had crossed a boundary and was no longer being respectful of who I am. In her mind, God wants me to keep my pants zipped and not have the indescribable joy of loving my husband, let alone raise children with him. And she’s not even Catholic! It was not about her right to have a differing point of view: the point is that my beliefs don’t negate or disparage her right to be married and have a family. And as much as I enjoy her company, I cannot have her in my life and have my children think that her uncompromising attitude is acceptable. There are a multitude of reasons why I might go to hell, but I know with complete certainty that my husband and children are not among them.
One of my brothers also believes that I am going to hell for my life “choices.” He claims that he still respects and loves me as his brother, but feels free to condemn my “choice” to live as an out and proud gay man because “if your own brother can’t tell you, who can?” That’s why he invited me to his wedding, but retracted his invitation to my husband. Both my brother and the lady I talked about in the last paragraph are quick to point out that they know and are good friends with many gay people – which apparently is suppose to make their pointless condemnation somehow palatable? I have to say that it’s really hard to imagine that Jesus Christ rejects any believer because of her or his marriage. And that’s the kind of faith and belief system – not religion – that I want to impress on my children.
So with that and my mother’s attitudes that I talked about in my last post, I wasn’t sure what to expect at my husband’s recent family reunion. Like every family, my husband’s family covers the full spectrum of moral and political ideologies (some probably even voted for President Trump – #gasp), so I went in bracing myself for potentially homophobic comments. After all, some members of my own family aren’t shy and don’t pull punches. Plus it was the first time in 25 years that my husband and his paternal cousins were all together (too bad we didn’t have a decent camera – apparently my genes are defective because what Asian doesn’t always have a huge camera around his neck?), so it’s not like they know each other that well. But apparently blood is thicker than water, because everyone seemed to have a great time. Some of the cousins have either just had kids or are planning on having them soon, so I’m hopeful that our children will grow up spending time with their second cousins.
I guess the old adage that children change everything really is a truism. Their imminent arrival certainly has me thinking about making sure that they have as many positive influences as possible around them. So I’ve lost some family and friends, but I’ve (thankfully) gained other family and friends. And who knows what other things will come about because of my wonderful daughter and son? Not to mention my husband. With all of this talk about family, by the way, I guess it’s about time I shared a picture of him: this is us on our wedding day.
The children are continuing to thrive: our son weighed in at 2 lbs 4 oz, and our daughter at 1 lb 12 oz. My heart skipped more than a few beats watching their little hearts beating away at their 25 week check-up. Now if they would just not kick at each other quite so much… Third trimester, right around the corner!