Our surrogate started having morning sickness and is rightfully bitter because she didn’t have any morning sickness when she was pregnant with her own son. It might be because she may be carrying twins, or because of the hormones she’s still taking as part of the IVF embryo transfer, or because God has a random sense of humor. At any rate, the axiom that “every pregnancy is different” continues to prevail. Hopefully her morning sickness will subside after she completes her hormone regimen or after the the first trimester, which will be toward the end of December (and a welcome Christmas gift for our surrogate). I hope two things: 1.) that our surrogate knows how much we appreciate all that she’s going through for our family, and 2.) that the kids end up being cute enough to compensate for all that she’s going through. Joking aside, we have the most amazing surrogate and I hate to think of her suffering at all: a few days ago she sent us an email in response to a small token donation we made to one of her causes, saying that she tells our kids that she can’t wait for them to meet us. Seriously, how awesome is she? #sniffle
Anyhow, as with any project, I of course have detailed time tables (and cost projections) for our surrogacy – so I’ve red circled dates like the end of our surrogate’s first trimester. Mock if you like, but it gives me the illusion of insight – since I realistically have no control at this point. Our baby/babies are due in mid-June, which would make them Gemini in Western astrology (the perfect sign for twins!). On the Chinese zodiac, he/she/they will be born in the year of the Fire Rooster – which isn’t as auspicious as being born in the year of the Fire Dragon, but will work just fine. (Apparently there was a surge in 2012 – the last year of the Dragon – as Asian parents timed their concupiscence to give birth in that year. Not that it matters: I don’t think either my husband or our surrogate would be open to waiting for the next Dragon year in 2024.) Before you get the wrong idea, I don’t read horoscopes or subscribe to astrology in general. But there is a somewhat mystic side of me that does acknowledge a certain level of fate, as elusive as it is to define. I, for example, was born on the cusp (or the cutoff day) between Virgo and Leo – so I have all the anal-retentiveness of a Virgo and all the stubbornness of a Leo. #bitchonwheels So checking on the Western and Eastern astrological signs of our children is a way of acknowledging that some things are beyond my control. Plus it’s also a symbolic and symmetrical way for me to acknowledge my blended identity as an Asian American. The image at the top of this post is the sign for Gemini together with a Chinese rooster, by the way. That simple collage evokes all sorts of emotions in me. (Crap – you’d think I’m the one taking all the hormones, not our surrogate.)
Ultrasound day finally came! My husband and I went out for breakfast before heading to the doctor’s office to meet our surrogate and her husband. Intellectually and emotionally speaking, I think the worst of our anxiety should be behind us after today – at least until the kid(s) come. Because once I know whether or not we’re going to have to go through the IVF/surrogacy process again (to get the two children we want), I think I can be much more sanguine about waiting to know whether we’re having boys or girls. Or so I thought. Then I realized, as we stared breathlessly at the ultrasound monitor, that I was kidding myself: being a parent is all about heart and being on a wonderfully thrilling emotional roller coaster. And seeing the images of our two children on the monitor, I couldn’t think. I could only feel. The kids are six weeks along, and due in June. And both have the beginning signs of heartbeats.
My husband is a (incredibly gifted) musician, but it’s still ironic for an analytically driven person like me to be so appreciative of the value of unwritten, non-numeric expressions. He and our children are treasures that no novel or poem or equation (let alone blog!) can adequately express. #werehavingtwins